Rainbow Snippets*--Feedback Thoughts
A year-and-a-half ago (or so) I sent out some queries for When Silverfish Dance and got back a "positive" rejection letter, by which I mean they didn't option the book (obviously) but the editor made some nice comments and then went so far as to make some suggestions. I'm taking her feedback and using it as I do my revisions. I've had one beta reader do that in the past, point out what wasn't working as well as what was. It's the kind of feedback I appreciate. (Although the kind that is all positives makes my heart feel good and keeps me motivated!)
I'm hoping to be done with my revisions by next weekend, but my "writing time" is limited at the moment by my other job-- you know, the one that actually pays the bills. The boss is on vacation which means extra responsibilities which means more hours at the store. It's good for the paycheck but bad for everything else!
My Rainbow Snippet this week takes place in Barry's apartment. Barry spent the night in the hospital and Morgan brought him home, offering to stay the night with him simply because the doctor said someone should. He's come out of the bathroom to find Morgan asleep on the couch:
As he tucked the pillow under Morgan’s head, he looked closely at the man, someone he barely knew but whose presence in his life was increasingly significant. His face was smooth, the deep lines Barry had assumed were permanently imprinted erased as he slept, making him look younger, and he suspected his sometimes gruff manner was a cover, a way of protecting himself. He’d seen hints of it. Morgan was a man who had learned to hide when he was young, showing the world what they expected to see; a split personality of sorts, masking his true face behind what was respectable, what was accepted. It was a sad way to live, even though Barry admitted he was guilty of it himself. That’s simply how it was. A bitter pill to swallow, but it was their life. “Enough,” he admonished himself and threw the blanket over Morgan and headed back to his bedroom.
*Rainbow Snippets is a (Facebook) group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation. If you're interested in following a diverse group of authors, check it out here.
I'm hoping to be done with my revisions by next weekend, but my "writing time" is limited at the moment by my other job-- you know, the one that actually pays the bills. The boss is on vacation which means extra responsibilities which means more hours at the store. It's good for the paycheck but bad for everything else!
My Rainbow Snippet this week takes place in Barry's apartment. Barry spent the night in the hospital and Morgan brought him home, offering to stay the night with him simply because the doctor said someone should. He's come out of the bathroom to find Morgan asleep on the couch:
As he tucked the pillow under Morgan’s head, he looked closely at the man, someone he barely knew but whose presence in his life was increasingly significant. His face was smooth, the deep lines Barry had assumed were permanently imprinted erased as he slept, making him look younger, and he suspected his sometimes gruff manner was a cover, a way of protecting himself. He’d seen hints of it. Morgan was a man who had learned to hide when he was young, showing the world what they expected to see; a split personality of sorts, masking his true face behind what was respectable, what was accepted. It was a sad way to live, even though Barry admitted he was guilty of it himself. That’s simply how it was. A bitter pill to swallow, but it was their life. “Enough,” he admonished himself and threw the blanket over Morgan and headed back to his bedroom.
*Rainbow Snippets is a (Facebook) group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation. If you're interested in following a diverse group of authors, check it out here.
Ah, yes, the evil day job...
ReplyDeleteLove your character development in this snippet.
EDJ's are awful! Love this snippet! So much behind just this glance...
ReplyDeleteThere are times I'm glad I no longer have to face a day job.
ReplyDeleteNice snippet BTW, kinda tender.
This is an intriguing bit.
ReplyDelete